Merry Christmas to everyone!

This is one of my all time favorite Christmas songs and the singer is one of my favorties too. Enjoy 🙂

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Me and my heart

Last night I think I realized a major issue in me. Today I have searched and searched through it and it is fair to say I know what I am, finally. I’m the kind of person that has trouble finding my place, making decisions and standing up and defending myself. I know it all sounds like I’m weak but I’m not. The past year has thought me alot and the biggest thing is that I know what I am.

I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t stand fake people, it is almost like I see through them. I’m the kind of girl who dreams and hopes for a happy life filled with love and laughter. I’m the kind of girl that wants romance and small things to show affection. Yes, I tend to fly in to my own thoughts sometimes, but it is my way of escaping negativity.

The main truth is that I’m all or nothing kind of girl. If you fall in love with someone and then the relationship ends, I can’t just drop my feelings and be fine and I can’t be JUST friends with and ex who I have strong feelings for. If I ever will be able to be JUST friends with an ex it will take a lot of time. I know it sounds harsh but the truth is that I’m still in love with my ex and I can’t be JUST friends with my ex. It is like I’m cheating on myself. I want to be honest to myself.

The fact is that all or nothing does sound harsh in many ways ’cause there are many moment when I tend to lean towards giving in and pretending to be totally fine. But a moment later I find myself gasping for air ’cause the thought of not being able to show my true feelings would be too hard, it would be like betraying myself and I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be ok for me nor for my ex.I have to listen to my heart ’cause I trust my heart.

So in conclusion, all or nothing is a thing that is a part of me.

True friendship

What is true friendship?Is there true friends?

I thought I was a true friends to the love of my life butlately I have started thinking differently. She was a true friend to me. She was my best friend. She never said I was her best friend, there was always someone else that was her best friend. I think in a relationship your partner should be your best friend, cause you are sharing your life and intimacy with them.

True friends don’t desert each other when one is facing trouble. They would face it together and support each other, even if it is against the interests of the other person.  True friends accept each other with their positive and negative qualities. Nothing is hidden between true friends. They know each other’s strengths as well as weaknesses. They would respect each other’s individuality. In fact, they would understand the similarities and respect the differences.

The song of the day…

I have liked this band for over 10 years. It took me some time to get used to the new leadsinger and I haven’t gotten so used to the new one yet. But still I like their music.

Sunny November day

It is Sunday and the sun was shining brightly outside. It was like inviting me to go out and embrace the cool November day. And that is what I did. I went for a walk, I let the cold air get in to each and every cell in my body. Have you ever felt like Sunday is the end a of another chapter in your life. Lately I have felt that way alot. I have made my Sundays to be a cleanse days for my soul. On Sundays I tend to write alot, meditate, listen to the voice within me.  It is my way of getting ready for a new week.

Yesterday something unexpected happened, it gave me an opportunity to ask a few questions that have been running around in my mind for a while. I felt good of asking the questions but then I started to feel like the something was smothering me and I was confused. And it made me wonder why do I put myself in to those kind of situations.
I haven’t talked with my ex for days, I mean really talked, and then last night we ended up talking for a moment on msn. And today I have been beating myself up for letting my guard down. I was stupid to think that maybe we could have an adult conversation. But the past came hunting back and it made me even more confused. Why is it so easy to let your guard down and be hurt once again?

But I have a feeling that next week will be different, things will change. I just have to learn to trust my instucts and listen to my heart and also mind head. It is the only way a person can live.

“Be yourself, there is no point in being someone else.
If a person loves you for what you are, all the flaws and mistakes are secondary. “