The end of 2011

The year 2011 is about to end soon and I thought it was time to sum it all up.

Off the top of my head when I think about the year 2011 two major things come on top cancer and a broken heart and they both appeared in to my life during eight days. First I got a text that said “maybe it is better that we are just friends from now on”, I was at work at that time and till this day I haven’t been able to set my foot in to that toilet where I read the text. What makes a person so humane and kind do such a thing, to break up with you through a text message? Till this day I can’t understand it. But I have forgiven her and I’m moving on in my life. I know my heart will be whole one day but it will take a long time.

Seven days passed and it was time to go and see a ear-, nose-, throat specialist and hear the verdict about my health. “You have cancer. It is called papillary thyroid carcinoma”. Still today I don’t know exactly what happened and what went through my mind right after it. I remember thinking I need to tell the most important person in my life – pause – why!? Do i need to tell her!? She already broke my heart. After a few hours I told her and the first word she said still ring in my ears “Shit” followed by her crying
Later on I felt like I deserved it all. In April my thyroid was removed and a month later I got more treatment, I got fatter, lost some of my hair and slept alot. A year ago today it all started actually, when my first doctor called me about the first biopsy and she told me I needed more examination in the hospital. But it took four months until I saw the specialist and got the verdict.

Today I have been 8 months and 13 days free from cancer. This years has had good things too happening. I’m getting closer and closer on finishing my studies and I have found my passion when it comes to work. I have gotten in touch with a few old friends, gotten closer with old ones and I’m getting stronger each and everyday. I have forgiven myself. I have accepted my flaws. I’m glad to be alive. I have found alot of strenght in myself. I look at life in a very different way. I don’t take things for granted anymore and I sure don’t let people in easily anymore. I did that once: I trusted, I put my faith on an other person to not break my heart, I didn’t care what people thought about me, I was true to myself about who I was. Today I’m wiser and still growing.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope the coming year will bring you joy and laughter, love and kindness, new adventures and a helping hand.

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