Last night I think I realized a major issue in me. Today I have searched and searched through it and it is fair to say I know what I am, finally. I’m the kind of person that has trouble finding my place, making decisions and standing up and defending myself. I know it all sounds like I’m weak but I’m not. The past year has thought me alot and the biggest thing is that I know what I am.
I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t stand fake people, it is almost like I see through them. I’m the kind of girl who dreams and hopes for a happy life filled with love and laughter. I’m the kind of girl that wants romance and small things to show affection. Yes, I tend to fly in to my own thoughts sometimes, but it is my way of escaping negativity.
The main truth is that I’m all or nothing kind of girl. If you fall in love with someone and then the relationship ends, I can’t just drop my feelings and be fine and I can’t be JUST friends with and ex who I have strong feelings for. If I ever will be able to be JUST friends with an ex it will take a lot of time. I know it sounds harsh but the truth is that I’m still in love with my ex and I can’t be JUST friends with my ex. It is like I’m cheating on myself. I want to be honest to myself.
The fact is that all or nothing does sound harsh in many ways ’cause there are many moment when I tend to lean towards giving in and pretending to be totally fine. But a moment later I find myself gasping for air ’cause the thought of not being able to show my true feelings would be too hard, it would be like betraying myself and I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be ok for me nor for my ex.I have to listen to my heart ’cause I trust my heart.
So in conclusion, all or nothing is a thing that is a part of me.