I feel very closed off right now and not really sure what I want to say or what I want to do. My mind and heart feel frozen. I’m having a really hard time understanding human nature and my own mind.
I think I might not be a good listener and possibly beat myself up way to much. Maybe that’s why I can’t stop biting my lower lip when I’m alone. I hate who I am sometimes and sometimes I don’t even know who I am or what I’m doing. Sometimes I start to feel so bitter at the world and I know it’s only when I feel so hurt by it. I make the choice to do things and sometimes I get hurt. Sometimes I feel tired of the choices i make that bite me in the ass. Please, Milla, make better choices.
I want it to be easier and I’m tired of it being hard. I’m tired of feeling two steps ahead and then almost always one steps back. I’m tired of living in the past and the future and not being able to stay present.
I feel heavy, like I want to run away from everything. I don’t trust anything right now. The last half of the year has hurt me alot, broken my soul, hardened me and it’s not me. I just expect that the higher I rise the harder I’ll fall. Like I’m scared of my own potential.
I’m tired of this pattern that I feel stuck in.
I don’t know who to trust or what to trust.
Or if I can even trust me.
I’m scared to trust.