Written feelings

Why is it so hard to write about what you feel? the squeezing feeling that you have in your heart, the thrill of feeling alive, the feeling of happiness when you see a glimps of a better future. Why is it so hard to dress them in to words? In Finnish culture talking about feelings is something that not many people do, it is like a private thing that you keep to yourself. But then again, how can we live a full life if we don’t let our feelings be a part of our lives?

The past few days I have felt like I’m in a roller coaster that doesn’t stop. In the morning when I’m taking my medicin I feel rested and my heart feels full, I stay awake for a while thinking about all kinds of things that have made me feel good in my life. Sometimes I fall back to sleep and when I wake up again, I feel drowsy and numb. I try to look at each day as a new beginning but sometimes there are things that draw me a few steps back. Yes our past is a part of us, it has thaught us many lessons and it has molded us in to the people that each of us is today.

Why is it so hard to tell people what you feel? Maybe it is the fear of being misunderstood, judged or even the fear of hurting others by what you are feeling. I have learned that by keeping my feelings to myself and maybe on some level I feel that in that way they can’t hurt anyone else even tho I might be hurting inside. It is hard to keep the feelings locked inside your heart and sometimes it just happens, everything comes out, sometimes in the worst possible way.

It is really easy to creat a half-smile on to your face so that people won’t ask if something is wrong. but when you are alone, you hurt inside.
I have a hard time talking about my feelings ’cause I have seen that I can be misunderstood and some people read too much in to things sometimes. But sometimes it is all too much and I need to spit it all out and yes, I get missunderstood.

I have noticed that through my illness my self-esteem has changed rapidly and I react to things differently, I feel more vulnerable and ’cause of that I seem to have my own defending reactions. And what makes it even harder is that not many people understand it even if I try to explain it.
So I think writing just for my is the best thing to do: no-one gets hurt, no-one will missunderstand me and no-one will judge me (just me).

Here it is my advice to everyone and to me… let your feelings be a part of you. If it’s hard to talk about the true feelings you have, take a piece of paper and a pen and write about it. I can tell you that it helps alot.

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